Traditional wedding vows do the trick, sure. But, writing your own personal wedding vows can be incredibly romantic, or funny, whatever your relationship style is. I’ve certainly heard some good ones from my couples over the years.
No matter the kind of wedding you choose to have, one of the most important moments of the day is going to be the vows. These are the words that will express your feelings for your soon-to-be spouse, they are the promises you’re making to each other to uphold for the rest of your lives.
Writing your own wedding vows sounds like a grand gesture until you go to start and become paralyzed by a blank page. How could you possibly sum up your love for this person? Do you want to make them cry, or laugh, or both, or neither? Where do you start? What should you include? How do you make them personal and unique? Oof!! Follow me, I’m here to help. And words are my love language, so I’ve got you. In this guide, I’ll teach you how to write personal wedding vows that will touch your spouse’s heart and leave a lasting impression. Let’s get started!
Why Write Your Own Vows
First, let’s start here: why write your own wedding vows in the first place? There are many reasons you might choose to craft your own wedding vows, such as:
- personalizing your wedding day
- expressing your love and commitment to one another in your own voice
- deepening your emotional connection
Writing your own wedding vows is a special way to personalize your ceremony and make it truly memorable. Not only does it add a personal touch and demonstrate the playful side of your relationship, but it also allows you to express your love and commitment in your own words.
Alternative to Writing Your Own Vows
It’s okay if one of you is gung-ho about writing and reciting your own vows in front of all your family and friends, and the other is a bit more resistant to such a vulnerable plan. There is a compromise. And it’s very popular with my couples. It also happens to be what my husband and I did at our wedding (he was a bit shyer about the whole writing your own vows idea, and I was all about it).
Instead, we wrote letters to each other and exchanged them during our first look. It was incredibly sweet, we both teared up, and it was still very romantic. And the pressure was off. They were very similar to vows, expressing our love for one another, our eagerness to be married, and promises we wanted to make and keep forever. We cherish these so much! In fact, I rewrote them out in a letter to him while he was away at Basic Military Training over our first wedding anniversary. (In case you’re unfamiliar, trainees at BMT are not allowed to have phones, so there’s a lot of letter-writing!).
These wedding vows will be something you look back on for years to come – so make sure they truly reflect your relationship in all its beauty and complexity.
Expressing yourself in this intimate way can deepen the emotional connection between you and your partner on your special day. You will know that these words came straight from the heart and will serve as a reminder of your love for each other for years to come. Your wedding day will truly be unique and memorable because of the personal touch that writing your own vows has added.
So go ahead and give it a try – you might be surprised at how fulfilling and empowering it feels to share your personal promises with each other in front of all your loved ones. It will certainly make for an unforgettable wedding ceremony.
How to Get Started Writing Your Vows
First of all, don’t wait until the last minute to start writing your vows! Give yourself plenty of time to really think about what you want to say and how you want to say it.
You might feel intimidated by the idea of writing your own vows, but don’t let that stop you! Your vows don’t have to be overly poetic or fancy; just speak from the heart and be authentic. After all, these words will be a reflection of your relationship and your love for each other.
Some couples choose to write their vows together, while others prefer to write them separately. Either way, it’s important to dig deep and express how you truly feel about your partner.
Get started by brainstorming all of the reasons you love your partner and all of the experiences and memories you’ve shared together. This will give you a solid foundation for your vows. Next, think about your overall tone. Do you want them to be heartfelt and emotional? Playful and funny? Romantic and poetic? Once you have that decided, start drafting and experimenting with different word choices and phrases until it feels right in both content and delivery.
What to Include in Your Vows
To get started, think about what matters most to you in your relationship and what aspects of your relationship you want to highlight in your vows. Your vows could mention not only the good but also the hard times you have faced together, and how you plan to continue facing them as a team.
Jot down specific memories and moments that stand out to you. Think about what makes your relationship unique and special. Note any nicknames you have for each other or phrases you say often. You can work those into your vows and your partner’s eyes will light up when hearing those familiar words. This will make the vows more meaningful to you and your future spouse. It’s also a good idea to mention specific traits or characteristics that you love about your partner, and how they make your life better.
Here are some specific questions to help jump-start your brainstorming:
- What are your hopes and dreams for the future together?
- How do you see yourself as a couple?
- Are there specific experiences or memories that have made a big impact on you or been especially meaningful?
Next, think about the promises you want to make to your partner. These can range from big commitments like spending the rest of your life together, to smaller promises like always supporting each other’s quirks and dreams.
Last but not least, don’t be afraid to inject some humor into your vows by including inside jokes or lighthearted moments from your relationship! It will show off your unique personality and lighten the mood of the ceremony. Wedding vows are a time to show love and commitment, but they can also be a chance to have fun with your partner in front of friends and family. Just make sure it’s all in good taste and won’t offend any guests. (Notice I said have fun, not make fun, don’t be mean).
Most of all, have fun with it! Your vows should reflect the personality of both you and your spouse-to-be. So go ahead, get creative, and let those emotions flow.
My last bonus tip: keep them short and sweet. You don’t need to tell stories for 20 minutes in front of everyone to show your love. Simple is best. Take a deep breath, you got this.
In case you’re hitting some writer’s block in your vow writing and need some help, I’ve written a few sample wedding vows for you. Use these as inspiration or a springboard to get started on your own.
“I promise to always make you laugh, even on the toughest days. I will always support you and encourage your dreams and aspirations and love you unconditionally. I vow to trust and respect you, to communicate openly, and to never go to bed angry. I promise to be your partner in crime, your biggest fan, and your rock in times of hardship. I promise to love you unconditionally for the rest of my days. Above all, I vow to always choose you. Today, tomorrow, and forever.”
“I promise to always love and cherish you, to support and encourage you, and to be your partner in life. I will always strive to make you happy and bring joy into our marriage. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”
“I promise to always be by your side, to support you and encourage you, to laugh with you and cry with you. I vow to love you unconditionally and faithfully for all eternity. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you, my soulmate and best friend. You are my everything, and I cannot imagine a single day without you by my side. I love you more than words can express, now and forever.”
“I vow to always be honest and open with you, to listen and communicate with love and respect. I promise to never give up on us and to work through any struggles we may face together. I choose you, today and every day for the rest of our lives.”
“I promise to always listen to you and communicate openly and honestly with you. I vow to cherish and respect you, to trust and support you through all of life’s challenges. I promise to never take our love for granted, and to always show my gratitude for having such an amazing partner by my side.”
“I promise to always make you laugh, even when times are tough. I vow to never turn down an opportunity for a dance party in the kitchen or a spontaneous road trip. Above all else, I choose you as my lifetime adventure buddy and partner in crime.”
“I promise to never leave the toilet seat up or hog the remote control. I vow to always make sure the fridge is stocked with your favorite snacks, even if it means eating celery sticks for dinner. I promise that even in old age, I will still think you are the most gorgeous person in the room (even if we’re just at the nursing home). Above all else, I vow to always keep our love alive by making sure we have plenty of Netflix marathons and pizza nights together. You are truly my other half and partner in crime for life.”
Check out this article for more examples of wedding vows, written by Hollywood screenwriters for your favorite TV characters.
Tips for Delivering Your Vows
Sharing your thoughts and feelings with your significant other might normally feel easy. But when you’re in front of others or you feel as if there’s a lot of pressure on you to make it sound perfect, you might end up feeling nervous about delivering your vows.
It’s important to stay focused and authentic, keeping your wording simple and clear. Try speaking in a conversational tone rather than using overly formal language. This will make your vows feel more relaxed and relatable to both yourself and your sweetheart.
One great tip, although it might feel funny or awkward at first, is to practice delivering them aloud beforehand. Keep your tone in mind as you’re doing this. Practicing your vows will help you feel more comfortable and confident speaking them in front of your partner and guests during the actual ceremony.
Another tip is to incorporate inside jokes or personal anecdotes into your vows. Sharing personal stories and jokes will make the vows feel more intimate and unique. It will also add levity and make them feel more genuine and authentic to you and your partner.
While delivering your vows, remember to make eye contact with your partner to make the moment even more intimate and special. Don’t forget to pause for laughter or reactions from the audience if appropriate.
Most importantly, be sure to let your true emotions shine through and speak from the heart. Relax and have fun with it. Make sure you don’t take yourself too seriously while still being sincere in expressing your love and commitment to your partner.
Bring It All Together
Writing your own wedding vows might feel like a daunting task, but it is incredibly rewarding. If you want your wedding vows to be remembered forever and captured from all angles, make sure to book a free wedding photography session with me. I’ll make sure to capture all the emotions in pictures as you make your promises to one another.
By putting in the time and effort to truly express your love and commitment to your partner, you will create a meaningful and personal ceremony that you and your spouse will cherish for years to come. So good luck, and happy vow writing!